MLB, Yay, sports!

Dirty money

Dr. Evil will make his debut for the San Diego Padres this year.

Kidding, but not really.

MLB free agent Manny Machado finally signed with a team one week after most clubs reported for Spring Training. The San Diego Padres signed the slugger for a cool THREE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS

This is the highest contract in sports history*

Speaking of the super rich, @KylieJenner I know you’re looking for a new live in bestie, I’m always up for a change of scenery and to be bankrolled.

Okay Meg, reel it in. You’re probably thinking why you should care about this….

I cannot believe to begin to describe the things I would do for 300 million dollars. Especially since my Mother reads this blog.

Manny Machado and I have some things in common. I’d do dirty things for 300 million, but he’s done dirtier

First there was this:

A move that he repeated in this year’s NLCS Game 2:

Then he proceeded to say he was no “Johnny Hustle” when asked why he didn’t run out fly balls or try to slide into first.

There’s another monster free agent still waiting to be signed, Bryce Harper. He has way better hair:

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As I sit here in the Salt Lake City airport I’ve been pondering about the last couple days I was able to spend in Utah with all my family. Of course you all know my season came to an end this year quite early & that was very unfortunate, but with that being said I was sitting back & thinking this will be the first year me and my wife will be able to attend General Conference and hear from the amazing leaders of our Church. As we were flying in on Thursday, I was so excited & anxious to get to Utah to enjoy this great weekend with everybody. So many smiling and energetic faces ready to do the same as me. We had some free time on Friday so we were able to do a session in the beautiful Salt Lake Temple. This was my first session in this temple and what an experience we had. The spirit was on my mind so strongly & the craziness that this offseason will bring. But when I am feeling such things or in a frame of mind like that nothing feeds my soul more than learning & being more in tune with my Lord & Savior in His house upon the earth! Later in the day we had an incredible opportunity to meet with President Nelson & the “German Shepard” Elder Uchtdorf. I can’t begin to describe to any of you how much wisdom and knowledge these men have. President Nelson had me in shock. He had an overwhelming feeling around him of the spirit. He walked into the room and I immediately teared up and began to think if it was even appropriate for me to be in the same room as this man because of how incredible he is. He came over and shook my hand, my wife’s hand, and family’s hands and we talked for a couple minutes. By the end I couldn’t help but think when this man talks it is the truth. It is the word of God & everything that I want to be part of. My mind was racing & I didn’t really have much time to catch my breathe or really sit back and think about what I had just heard or what had just happened because up the elevator & down the hallway stood one of my biggest hero’s and the biggest spiritual gangster’s that I’ve seen, Elder Uchtdorf. When I walked into his office he greeted me with the biggest smile & just the most friendly vibe I’ve ever seen or felt. He was so personable ➡️

A post shared by Bryce Harper (@bryceharper3) on

(^^ GOALS)

And seems to be much less of a prick. Here’s rooting that he signs for $300,000,001.00 to stick it to Manny.

*I don’t follow soccer so I’m not counting those stats.

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