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Cam “Two Chains” Newton Shines in Debut

Since we’re well into cuffing season, and those hinge/bumble membership rates sky rocket as the weather gets colder, I am back to be your sports guide for the non fan.

It’s here-it’s here-it’s HERE. Football season has finally arrived and I for one am a better person for it. I’ve binge watched anything I’ve wanted to see on Netflix, and if I’m going to be locked inside again it was a matter of time before I needed new content to keep me from getting cranky-er.

Week 1 did not disappoint. I spent the week leading up to it (with crippling anxiety of watching a Patriots game sans Tom Brady) interested to see what Cam Newton had up his sleeve and hoo boy did he follow through.

The Pats caught the Dolphins in a gill net of rushing(running) offense the AFC East hasn’t seen from this team in 20 years, and squished the fish 21 – 11 at an empty Gillette Stadium.

Things we need to talk about…

  • We need to talk about this artificial crowd noise. It’s bad. Really bad. Like how your eyeliner looks when you put it on in stop and go traffic bad. There’s “boo’s” when there should be cheers and vice versa. It’s not just bad for the TV audience but the people on the field too. Don’t take my word for it, when Bill was asked what it’s like playing in front of an empty stadium he blessed us with another verbose quote…”Practice”, and he’s right. No fans might be weird, and it’s obviously for the greater good but definitely something I’m getting used to.
  • I thought I envied TB12’s style, but ohhh-weee did you get a look at Cam’s pre and post game fit? I mentioned this on the last blog, the man has S-T-Y-L-E. Am I still concerned about his instagram font? Most definitely, but I mean look at those shoes.
  • On the topic of Cam, things got a little catty when after his first offish score as a New England Patriot he celebrated by none other than a Gronk Spike into the end zone. The. Shade. As someone who loves a good subtweet or thirst trap I fully respect this move and I think Cam and I are going to get along just fine. Then, at the end of the game there was a scuffle, and you could see our QB had to be physically restrained from the Dolphins. Turns out a couple of Dolphins grabbed at his chains. When asked for his side of the story in the post game zoom, Cam blessed us with another quote “The College Park in me almost came out”. Cam is spicy, and I am here for it.
  • Last but not least, we need to talk about something serious here. Steve Belichick’s hair.
Steve Belichick proving himself within Patriots organization | NBC Sports
Credit: Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

That my friends is a GD work of art and needs to be hung next to the Mona Lisa. The body, the length. Do you know how many gals spent $$$ to get that shade of “Bronde” this past year? It’s the perfect description of a Belichick personality, all business head on but once you dive deeper (or turn sideways) you see the party attitude and quick wit.

If you’re looking for stats to impress your matches

  • Jules caught his 600th career reception in the first half of the game.
  • It was the first time in 33 trips to Foxborough that Miami didn’t score on the opening drive (first time they had the ball).
  • Cam had the most 15 carries for 75 yards and 2 TDs. Aka more rushing yards in 1 game than the last 3 seasons of Tom Brady’s career combined.

Stay tuned this week to get ready for Sunday Night Football against the Seattle Seahawks.

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