Beware the Ides of March

Happy almost spring everybody. I’ve been neglecting you and I’m sorry. I’m here to provide an explanation.

March means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Whether it’s the last home stretch of winter and the kick in the butt you need to get back in the gym before #beachszn, or you look forward to digging out every ounce of gaudy green material you own to wear this weekend, or you could be excited to chit chat with your co-workers about how your bracket will be so much better than last year’s (aka busted by day 4 of the tournament).

Honestly, I dread March every year. If it wasn’t for spring training and the March Madness tournament, I’d petition to have it wiped off the calendar.

Warning: the following will not be my usual charming hilarious self that everyone is used to, but to be honest I needed an outlet.

I’ve experienced a lot of loss at a relatively young age. Like I said, I’m not looking for sympathy, I just need to get this out of me. My Dad passed away 12 years ago on March 24th, my Nana on March 3rd two years ago, and most recently my Step-Dad Alan, on April 10th of last year. Over the years I’ve grown up a lot, and accepted that grief and loss are a part of life that we all must deal with. April 10th 2018 took a scalpel to a wound that I knew hadn’t, and won’t ever heal completely but had finally started to develop scar tissue.

As the days started to tick by this February, my anxiety began to rise as I now I dread a 5-week period, opposed to 3. I haven’t been acting like myself, and I don’t like the person I’ve been lately. That’s why I chose to write this blog. I miss these three people immensely. More than I could ever imagine putting into words, and I know the last thing they’d ever want is for me to give up on something I love and go to the dark place I’ve been drawn lately.

This gave me the idea to tell March to go pound sand, and while I’ll never completely rid myself of the sadness this time of year. I can sure give it a run for its money.

One of the last times I talked to my Dad was mid March of 2007, right before my Junior Prom. He wanted to know all about my dress, and whether or not my date was good enough for his little girl. My Dad was also an avid sailor. March also meant one thing for him, 2 months until the boat went into the water.

Ask anyone about my Nana, Vera, and there will be a few common denominators that will be brought up in conversation. 1.) If I robbed a bank-she would have been my alibi/defense attorney/bail bondsman. 2.) Her homemade chocolate chip cookies were famous. 3.) She loved the Boston Red Sox almost as much as she loved me. She was always excited for the month of March- it meant she finally got to have her “boyfriends” Remy & David back on her TV on a daily basis for the next 6 or so months.

Alan hated the cold. He spent the last couple of years spending the winter with my Mom at the house they rented in Naples, Florida. An avid golfer for the majority of his life (I think he had a 7 handicap), he had a bout of health problems and hadn’t been able to play the last few years. One of my last and favorite memories I have is last March when I visited them in the Retirement Mecca, he was finally getting the ability to swing a club again and even McGuyver’d a few devices where he could try and play a full round.

So from now on, when I think of March I’m going to think of these happy memories instead of the ones that have haunted me for the last twelve years.

Thanks for listening.